Express Yourself...

But only if it will make you worthy of a desk job. 

Today I read an eye opening article on Yahoo and I thought I would share it with my fellow artists. 

Don't Let Your Kids Study These Majors

My step-dad sent me this article today in an email, and what was different about this email was that I actually opened it. I usually ignore the emails he sends me because there's nothing of value to me in the links that he sends. For some reason however I decided to open this link and found an article that made my blood boil. 

Not so much for the content, I understand that going into my field of study is a gamble and that in any art form there is going to be challenges and struggles. No, what really go to me was the condescending way this article was written. 

First off, you write for Yahoo... Who even are you? 

Second, you're bashing liberal arts when you're a journalist who probably went to school and studied liberal arts. 

Third... you write for Yahoo.

I feel like I should write a bit more but I'll let you read the article and form your own feelings and opinions. 

Our Lips are Sealed

So as you can probably tell from this blog I'm an aspiring photographer. One thing that has always bugged me about other photographers on social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram is when you ask them advice or you're like,

"Oh my god! That's such a cool shot, how did you do that?" 

They just don't get back to you or they say it's a secret. 

Excuse me? 

I'm sorry I didn't realize photography suddenly turned into the CIA and everything was now top secret. I can understand if it's something you came up with on your own and maybe a secret spot that's all your own that you found out in the woods after hours of searching, but when it's a technique that is used by other photographers and you just refuse to be helpful it's kind of annoying. Whenever I do something new and post it on my Facebook page and someone asks me about how I got the shot or how I edited it I always share. I don't give them a step by step walk through on my exact process of course but I'll tell them something like (ex:)

"Oh I just added a gradient layer then adjusted the opacity then I messed around with levels until it looked the way I wanted it too."

I mean I'm not telling them exactly what I did and they aren't going to be able to copy me step for step but it's still helpful information. I don't understand what the point of keeping your knowledge a secret, knowledge is meant to be shared. It's not like by not telling me I'll never find out, there is this magical thing called Google. I can't tell you how annoying it is to be an aspiring photographer and finding a photographer who's work you really admire and asking them for advice and they're just like "nope it's a secret." 

You are not a magician and this is not 4th grade. 

Sharing your information is not going to compromise your business or your art, because no one can do what you do exactly the way you do it. It's just a huge pet peeve of mine and I thought I would share. That's all and I should probably get to bed because it's 1:30am and I have to get up early. 

If anyone has photography questions or sees a picture of mine that they like and have questions on how I achieved the look of it don't hesitate to ask. I'll try to give you as much info as I can, even if it's just linking you to resources that I've used in the past.

Herman

Seeing as I've developed insomnia in the past couple of months I thought now would be a good time to write a nice post on Herman (the Frog). 

This is Herman. He's a little blue frog made out of plastic with a heart of gold (actually he's hollow, but that's beside the point). This picture is actually him in Gent, Belgium, from my trip to Europe in September. Jesus there's a lot I did that I probably should have documented through something other than just a Facebook status here and there. 

So my best friend Kass and I were at Colony Place one day just shopping and walking around when we stumbled across this little blue plastic frog laying on the sidewalk. We decided we couldn't just leave him there so we picked him up and I decided that I would take him home with me. Not really sure if there was any real thought process behind naming him Herman, I think it was the first name that one of us threw out that we both liked. We thought it would be cool if I brought Herman with me to Europe and took pictures of him at all the cool places I went, then I would tag Kass in them. Kind of like she was there too. The idea caught on and developed into Herman traveling all over the place with me and getting his picture taken with cool people and places. We're hoping to get on Ellen someday. 

So there's the story of Herman and how he went from laying on a sidewalk to icon. He's actually reached celebrity status when he met Frankie Muniz and now has his own Facebook page. You could say he's a pretty cool frog and he's a great ice breaker.

"Hey would you mind taking a picture with my frog?"

Hipster Nation

So yesterdays photoshoot which was originally supposed to be an editorial styled shoot sort of took a turn from the mainstream and we ended up in Hipster Nation. I got a couple black and white shots in there and some editorial type shots, but mostly it was high waisted shorts made from thrifted mom jeans and disinterest. 

It started out as a normal shoot of mine usually does, spending a couple minutes to catch up and have a friendly chit chat (all of my models are friends of mine so shooting is also a good excuse for girl talk) then we got to business. After getting acclimated to the frozen tundra of a basement we were using as a backdrop we got to work picking our first outfit. We did some black and white head shots and then decided to move onto something more fashion forward. As a joke I snapped a picture of Annalee in her underwear and the result looked like I had picked it straight off of Tumblr. 

After that we basically abandoned the idea of editorial and decided to see how hipster we could get. It was a lot of fun and this shoot actually gave me the opportunity to mess around with different editing techniques. 

As much as I enjoyed the day and the pictures I took it helped me realize that what I really love to do is more fictional and other worldly photography. I like to create stories and worlds when I work, using the places around me but putting my own spin on things. I have a shoot coming up that I'm really excited about experimenting with levitation and face paint and different lighting styles. 

Feel free to visit all of my links that I sprinkled throughout this post, shameless self promotion is always a good thing. 

Girls on Film

I have a shoot this morning! So excited, haven't taken a photo in what feels like years (it's been about 3 months). Today I'm doing something a little different from normal, it's going to be more editorial and fashion related, I also be doing some black and white shooting. I'm excited to experiment with different types of photography. I've been studying W magazine and Vogue, as well as looking through Pinterest for inspiration. 

Inspiration Board, if you want to check it out :) 

I'm hoping this goes well, I feel like I've been in a little bit of a creative funk lately. However I'm almost positive that it has to do with the weather. 

Like jesus, make up your goddamn mind! Want to be warm one day and give me the faintest of hopes that it's starting to get nice out then...

BAM! 

You rip that tiny ray of sunlight away and replace is with a planet Hoth style blizzard. Come on Mother Nature, what the hell are you doing? 

I have a lot of ideas for photoshoots but they all are outside (seeing as I don't have access to a studio or empty rooms) and most of my current inspirations involve water. Unless I find a really cool model who wants to risk contracting hypothermia for the sake of art, I'm going to have to wait a bit to start my projects. 

Luckily I do have an idea that I'll hopefully be working on soon that involves intense face makeup (something I haven't gotten a chance to do yet!) and the USS Salem. A friend of mine, who has modeled for me in the past, her dad has extended a pretty sweet offer to me that I can't really pass up. I'm really excited for that opportunity and to see what I can do with it! 

I'll be sure to put up a post about how the shoot went today as well as some photos from the set, I'll also link my two photography pages incase anyone is interested in seeing more of my work. 

Well time for me to head out, hope my camera is charged ;) 

The Mountain Goats- No Children

A really good friend of mine just sent this to me. An ex boyfriend of mine, who also happens to be a really good friend. A really good friend in the way of this song actually. Pretty much sums up our relationship. I highly suggest playing this for a loved one or a dear friend of yours. It's really quite touching.  

Back in the USSR (sort of)

Woah, haven't been here in a while.

Well I was looking back at my old posts and noticed that I was a pubescent middle schooler apparently.

Fuck that.

Let's not going back there, sounds like a pretty good plan. My life is pretty decent right now. I was accepted to my top school and got some money for tuition so I can actually go there, that's quite exciting. It's in California. San Francisco to be exact. Let's see how I fair in art school all by myself with no one around to remind me that I have to actually do my work. In order to keep my scholarship I have to maintain a 3.0 average GPA. I can't be the only one doubting myself, I mean come on... I barely graduated high school.

I suppose however getting into college without a school system of help was a kick in the pants and I did take the initiative to apply on my own without anyone saying that I should. I also picked the location on my own knowing fully well what will come with being across the country from my family and friends. It's an adventure that's for sure, always been one to jump feet first into the deep end. No toe dipping for me.

Aside from school and such I guess I should write about my current interests. I was recently invited by a friend of mine to come see him play a show in Wareham, MA where I was introduced to my new favorite band.

Kingsfoil.

I haven't stopped listening to their music since the show. I had never heard of them prior to that, and I was unfairly deprived of awesome music. No matter my mood it's just always playing. I hope I can see them one more time before I go off to school, they unfortunately don't tour out west :( But you know maybe they will someday. They're all wicked nice guys and they're really talented and deserve every ounce of fame they'll gradually gain. Oh and as an added bonus their drummer is none other than Agent Cody Banks. Ya that's right, I met Frankie Muniz at the show. Had to really use the little self control I posses to keep myself calm, cool, and collected. Well, let's be honest, I'm never any of those things. I just used Herman to break the ice.

I didn't have Herman last time I posted! I'll be sure to do a separate post all about him. For now though I think that pretty much wraps up this quick update. I'm sure it's scattered and anyone reading it is probably developing ADD as we read. However don't worry I can assure you...

It will only get worse :)

p.s. here's a picture with me and the guys from Kingsfoil. We all look possessed.

Etsy

Oh my goodness! So lately I've made an Etsy account after watching so many youtube video's about Etsy being this awesome place to shop. I had been on there a couple of times when I was younger and didn't really understand the draw. I understand it now. I am obsessed!! There is no need to shop anywhere else from now on. There's jewelry, makeup, face products, bath products, hair products, clothes, shoes... just everything! And it's all handmade and completely worth the money. Everything is so inexpensive that it really makes no sense to shop anywhere else haha. There's everything you could ever possibly want. Honestly go now! Go check out Etsy it is the greatest site EVER!

song of the day

song of the day

song of the day

do you really know?

You always say you care about me. That you love me. I believe you... sometimes. You say you know how much it hurts me you understand. No you don't. You don't get it at all. You just think you do, but you don't. You don't understand and I highly doubt you ever will. You think you understand so well. You know how people work you get it. No. You don't, at all. I love you more than anything. I would give anything to make you happy. I would give you the world if you wanted it. I would do anything for you. If you and I were the last two people in the entire universe I would be perfectly happy. You wouldn't be though. You wouldn't do anything for me. You wouldn't give up anything to make me happy. You want to stick up for yourself and everyone else. But not me. You want everyone to see you in the right light. I do, no matter what. You want to make sure everyone thinks of you right, regardless of what that might do to me. You don't care. You don't care at the right time. You care when it's easy. You care when it looks good. You care when no body is looking.

You don't need the whole world to love you, sometimes you just need one person. Me. I'll always love you no matter what. I'll always think you're great. I always have. You are my hero. You are the most amazing and inspiring person I've ever met. You don't even realize how much I respect you. How highly I think of you, how highly I hold you. You mean more to me than anything. I couldn't imagine where I would be right now if we had never started dating. Sometimes I don't think you see how much you mean to me. I think you sometimes take for granted how much I give myself to you, without even meaning to. I know your intentions are good. But they aren't right. You want to please everyone. You said you'll just be single just like all the peace keepers out there. You'd rather take the easy way out than confront the issue. You don't want to face anything. You want to run. I know you strongly disagree with me on this but it's true. You want to break up with me because it would be best? No you want to break up with me because you don't want to make sacrifices and you don't want to hurt other people. What about me? What about hurting me? You seem to be perfectly ok with doing that? Why am I dispensable? Why aren't I important enough to fight for?

I know I'm not her but if you want her then have her not me. Don't keep me around because you know I'll stay. If you don't want this anymore I don't want to force you into it. I love you more than you will ever know. I'll always be here for you, but... I can't keep hanging around hoping you make the right decision. Because what you and I think are the right decisions are very different. I hope that you realize how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You really are my hero. I just hope others hold you as highly as I do. If she's so important to you I hope she knows what an amazing person you are. I hope she knows what she has. I hope she understands how much I hurt knowing that you can't give her up. I hope she can see the person you really are, how rare you are. You really are a truly amazing and wonderful guy. I hope she knows that.

Part 3: We're two halves of a whole shit

Josh and I have been together for over a year now. We love each other and care for each other more than I ever thought possible. I never thought I would meet someone like him. Which is why recent events have hurt so much. I can't lose him. I will stay with him no matter what, no matter what he does or says. I'll never leave him. And if he did decide to break up with me I would never date anyone else. I would be single forever, I'll never find someone like him. I know this sounds possessive and clingy. It's not in that sense. I say this because he is the first person who actually gets me. The first person who didn't run away from me. The first person who bothered to listen and who bothered to care. The first person who was there when I needed them. He is the only person I can talk about anything with and never feel awkward. He's my best friend. It's not even boyfriend and girlfriend any more. It's beyond that. He truly is my best friend. I talk to him about everything and anything.

He doesn't do the same. He doesn't want to talk to me about everything because he's afraid I'll be mad. So he talks to this girl Mia. They've been friends a lot longer than I've known him. She's helped through more than I ever have or will. She's his best friend. It's getting to the point where whenever I hear the name Mia I get pain in my chest. In my ribs, my heart, my head, neck, everywhere. I feel sick. I can't sleep. I can't think. I tell Josh this and he doesn't get it. He's willing to give everything we have up for the sake of their friendship. I don't know what to do. It's killing me, but I keep pretending like nothing is wrong. Like everything will go back to normal if I don't acknowledge it. I'm willing to sacrifice myself and everything to keep this relationship together. I'm willing to be in pain and miserable, crying myself to sleep. Just to see him happy. Just to keep us together. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm afraid that if he leaves I'll fall. Everything will end. I won't be able to be happy anymore. It's really that bad. And I know I sound like the biggest drama queen right now. I should just be able to let go of him? Or I should just be cool with them talking?

The thing is I can't. She's disrespectful to me. She's liked him off and on. She is rude to me and everyone around her. I can't let this keep happening. I feel dirty and used when they talk. I can't trust anyone anymore. I thought I could trust him. He was the first person I actually put trust in. He ruined that. He ruined me. I can't think about anything anymore. I can't let him go. I don't want to see him with anyone else. He's everything I've ever wanted. But he acts like everything is ok. I'm here dying and crying myself to sleep... actually losing sleep. And he acts like nothings wrong. I don't get why he can't see what this is doing to me. He says we should break up because he's not good enough for me after all of this. My response is why are you running away from it instead of trying to fix it? You can fix this. Do you not want a relationship anymore? I'm not going to make you stay if you want to leave. I'm not going to keep fighting for something that you don't want. I'm not going to be the only one fighting, I'm the only one getting hurt. I want you to tell me if you don't want this anymore. I can't keep worrying about everything. I can't keep trying to forget everything like everything is ok. It's not. It's not ok anymore.

I love everything about you. Sometimes I don't understand you though. Sometimes you are just a boy. You don't get it. But I'm just a girl. I'll always be here. No matter what. Always. I can't leave I've become to attached. I've been there when you were in the hospital. I've stayed on the phone with you long into the night. We've bounced back from everything. I think we can do it again. But I can't be the only one putting forth the effort. You have to be willing to sacrifice if you want this relationship to work. You've been there for me when I needed you most. You've wiped away my tears and told me it was going to be ok. I'm there for you when you think you should just leave. I'll always be here to tell you everything is going to be ok. You'll be alright. I'll always be here to tell you that you are going to do great. You are great. I know you are. I know you love me but sometimes I really don't understand you.

Part 2: Worldly News

Let's just talk about recent events in my life. A general summary of what's been going on since I've been AWOL. My hair is white. Today is black out white out for spirit day and seniors are white. I spray dyed my hair for today and I look like Mr. J from ANTM and it's so stiff. I had half my face white and the other half was just regular. Tomorrow is comfy day and I'm painting a moon and stars on my face and wearing footie pajamas. I'm done talking about school.

I don't really like talking about myself I more enjoy talking about things that indirectly involve me. I really don't like making myself center of a conversation. Currently I'm listening to Nicki Minaj love her. Love her so much. I'll post a video of what song I'm listening to right now.

I am going to be photographed by a girl at my school. She loves my mohawk and wants to do a retro punk styled photo shoot. I'm excited! And Emma and I want to do a native american photo shoot because I look like Pocahontas haha.  I have a few photo shoots planned myself with a couple people. I have a really good idea to do with Josh next time he's in the hospital.

That's really all there is to talk about with me. Like I said I really hate talking about myself.

Part 1: This Bitch

You know it's going to be a good story when it starts out with, This Bitch, right? Wrong. This story isn't really a good story. It only depicts how self centered, ignorant, and mean people are. I am not going to sit here and pretend like I'm a god sent angel, because I will be the first to admit that I am far from. However I will say that I am very good at understanding people and trying to see things from their point of view. I'm not quick to judge and if I offer to help it's genuine. So I'll start my story...

This Bitch that has been the topic of one other post on here is just the most ignorant, self centered, and dense people I have ever had the misfortune to meet. She thinks so highly of her self that she can't see the truth, no one thinks of you that way. She really thinks that her shit don't stink. It's really aggravating to see her in the halls everyday, and know that she thinks she's hot shit. You aren't pretty, you aren't smart, and you aren't the best thing since sliced bread.

Anyways, she and her boyfriend had a falling out. I have an advice blog and it seemed like he could really use some help. I talked to him for a while and gave him unbiased and honest advice. I didn't use him or manipulate him, I never had malicious intent. I was simply helping. She goes and tells him that I'm manipulating him and that it was the worst mistake ever to talk to me and all this bull shit. It was stupid. I helped your boyfriend because you're a gutless whore, not my fault.

She is also just annoying as all get out. I can't stand her at all. In the least bit. If I had to be stuck in a room with no one else but her and I was given a gun and my only option was to die or spend an hour with her... I'd shoot her in the face. So that being said, I really can't stand this girl at all. Never have never will. However if I am giving you advice, take it. I actually have been through a lot even though I know you'd like to think other wise. I'm pretty sure I've been around the block a couple more times that you have. I know what I'm talking about and my words are not ill conceived. You need to get a grip on your life and figure it out before you ruin it.

You aren't the big man on campus. You don't have to be a bitch and a liar just because you want to "have a backbone" no. Just no. Having a backbone doesn't mean turning on everyone who was once friends with you. It doesn't mean being a stuck up bitch. Just no.

sorry for the absence

hello my beautiful people of the internet. i was absent for so long and there was so much that i meant to write that now i can't fit it into one post. i'm going to split this into a couple of different parts. this post will be my very informal (you can tell by the blatant disregard to proper grammar) explanation to what is what. part one is going to be a rant about this girl. there will be language and it will get vulgar. i apologize in advance. please skip if you would like. part two will be a general summary of what is going on in the world and my life. part three will be about my boyfriend and i and our relationship and where it is and how far it's come. then maybe i'll do a quick blurp about my birthday which was last thursday. alright let's get this thing a going shall we?

if you don't like it leave

I'm a mean awful cold hearted bitch. I'll admit it. I hate people, I hate the world, I hate everything. I don't have anything to "gain" by harassing people. I don't do it to make myself feel better or some bull shit like that. I do it because if I don't like you I'm going to make your life hell, that's all there is to it. I'll say it to your face and let you know I don't like you. I don't give a fuck if people think I'm a crazy bitch, go for it. I don't give a fuck about you or anyone else, I especially don't value other peoples opinions of me. If you don't like who I am and you don't like that I enjoy making people feel like shit because I think it's funny then leave. I'm not making you stay, go ahead and walk.

um....

i think i just followed my own blog???

For Real (this is a very long rant mostly for my personal reasons)

I need to write this because if I don't I'm going to explode. I was going to write a very rude paragraph filled with expletives  Then I took a breath and realized that I can write a very meaningful yet still to the point message about why people aggravate me. I'm not saying this post won't have profanity so be prepared for some strong words and rude messages. I am so sick of people thinking they are the center of the universe. We got in one fight, we made it clear that we do not want anything to do with it anymore. Why in the world would we continue to beat the dead horse if we didn't want anymore trouble? We are not posting about you on various different websites in order to send you on a scavenger hunt to find out that we are talking about you. No. We do not care what you do with your life. We said what we needed to and we stressed our points. We don not care to have anything to do with you ever again. Having that said I would now like to talk about crazy people and why they aggravate the shit out of me.

I do not like drama. I tend to not participate in drama. Anyone reading this who thinks otherwise go ahead but I honestly have to much to deal with in my life to deal with yours. When I do engage in an argument I research it. I find out the points and opinions of all involved. When I talk about it with the person I have a problem with I don't blindly attack. You may think I am bull shitting right now but I'm not. When I am telling you that you are wrong it's most likely because you are. When everyone else has stories that match up and yours is completely different I'm guessing that you are the one at fault there. Sorry if you disagree. When you start making up your own facts and start telling lies then clearly you don't have your story straight. You are never going to convince me that you are right if you cannot make a valid argument. You can sit there all you want and say that I have no argument and all that, but you are wrong. It's also not fair when you tell people who have no buisness in being involved what a bitch I am and that I'm a terrible person who's only intent is to hurt you. You have no right telling people lies about us or anyone to make yourself look better. Another thing that i'd like to address now is when you accuse me of things that I did not do.

I did not make you feel guilty I was simply telling you that I do know what a relationship is about. She wasn't trying to make you feel guilty about her mom. She was simply stating that she has a lot going on in her life right now that she has to think about and deal with. She does not have time for your bull shit. Just because you suddenly think you are entitled to start picking fights with people because you've "grown a backbone" doesn't mean you have the right to attack someone over something unrelated. "Growing a backbone" doesn't mean being a dumb bitch to everyone who was friends with you. We knew who you were before you lost your mind. All your friends who you consider your best friends, they are just people who agree with whatever the fuck comes out of your mouth. They don't try to help you and they don't try to help you see if you are doing something that could have a bad outcome. They sit back and watch and tell you that you are perfect. Sorry that we didn't do that. Sorry we tried to help, our bad.

Another thing, learn to use a dictionary. If you are going to try and use big words please learn what they mean so you don't embarrass yourself. You can't sound smart when you make typo after typo and talk likeeeee thissssss.

You are a sad and pathetic girl who is so bored with her life that she craves attention in any form she can get it.

This is my only post that was and ever will be dedicated to you on here.

Dippity Do

So today I got my new hair cut. I got a Rihanna inspired mohawk cut. It really tuned out great. It's awesome! It could have come out totally wonky but it looks great. It feels great too, and is very easy to style. I can't see myself going back to long hair for a while. This is so comfy I absolutely love it. I can't wait for school to start again so I can show off my new hair. I want to thank Julie Foley at Salon Dicarlo. She did such an amazing job I wouldn't trust anyone else with this. Really did an outstanding job on this hair cut, just phenomenal. So happy with it!!! I'm just so excited to show people!!